Cross Country Quirks

CROSS COUNTRY QUIRKS

Some weirdness knows no bounds, skipping across state lines with abandon. From peculiar pursuits to bizarre behaviors, eccentric experiences are taking place all across America.

 

A CAR-CRAZED CULTURE

Nowhere else on earth has the car played such a significant role in shaping a society as it has in America. While other countries had to integrate automobiles into long-established cities and cultures, Americans were able to create a brand new infrastructure based solely on their cars, integrating them so completely into society that the car influenced not only their behavior, but also the very architecture of the country itself.

Embracing their cars with fervor, Americans took to the open road and, in typical American style, entrepreneurs followed, determined to make the journey as much fun as the destination. During the 1930s and 1940s, billboards, diners, motels and gas stations sprang up, all competing in a mad scramble to get the attention of a Ford or Chevy. Eccentric buildings, in the shape of whatever product was being peddled, proliferated, as did theme attractions and amusement parks. Giant roadside oranges, donuts, chickens, dinosaurs, and mythical figures promoted themselves miles in advance with billboards promising incredible adventures, messages aimed not only at adults, but at the 2.3 children clamoring to escape from the back of a station wagon. While a giant dinosaur might be deemed by the authorities to be out of place near the Eiffel Tower, there were no such restraints along American roads.

In the 1950s, defense fears resulted in the building of a massive, coast to coast, interstate highway system that could also be used to land airplanes. Faster highways, with their limited on-and-off access, paved the way for the rise of the now ubiquitous homogenized franchises. One by one, bits of what became off-road Americana fell into ruin and the roadside, with its quirky facades, was lost to history. Today, you can still see some remnants of the roadside glory days while meandering down back roads, and preservationists are rushing to preserve what's left of the odd architecture, gargantuan figures and advertising icons. Meanwhile, Americans have found new ways to worship their wheels. Besides dozens of museums and restaurant chains devoted solely to cars, trucks, and motorcycles, you'll find an astounding variety of competitions, rallies, races, events, and parades honoring the various sub-cultures of Americans on wheels.

IT'S A GUY THING Nothing gets the testosterone flowing like a good car crushing, which is exactly what you'll get at Monster Truck Rallies and Demolition Derbies. Events like these symbolize America's worship of motorized power and are, not surprisingly, almost exclusively male domains. With names like Bigfoot, Grave Digger, and King Krunch, monster trucks are preposterously modified, four-wheel drive vehicles that compete by driving off an elevated ramp and seeing how many cars they can crush beneath them before grinding to a stop. The truck body sits way, way up on top of tires six feet high and almost four feet wide. Far too absurd for the road, they're towed to stadium racetracks where they battle it out for superiority. Between 15 and 25 cars are crushed during the average rally, an event attended by tens of thousands of rabid fans. The resulting auto carnage leaves the stadium looking like a cross between a battlefield and a junkyard, which is where the crushed cars came from in the first place.

Demolition Derbies are carnage of a different kind: the place to smash, crash, wreck, and otherwise destroy, junk cars that no longer have any business being on the road. Thousands of these events are held each year during which drivers bump, ram, and hammer their cars into each other until only one vehicle is left operating. To begin, drivers line up their cars in a circle on a dirt field surrounded by a four-foot high wall of mud. As the siren sounds, the cars begin crashing into each other and the air is filled with the sound of satisfying crunches. Auto parts fly everywhere as, one by one, the cars bite the dust. Helmets and seat belts are the only safety requirements for these modern day gladiators. Good sense is optional.

Part of the entertainment on the car scene is funny cars: cars with eccentric shapes, styles and sizes. Some sport enormous horsepower and hurtle at speeds up to 300 miles per hour. Others are huge, lumbering monsters such as Robosaurun, a 40ft tall, 60,000lb dinosaur that breathes fire while cooking and eating cars. Various bikini and beauty contests are part of this world - are you surprised?

Monster Truck Rallies web: www.truckworld.com/mtra
Demolition Derbies web: www.dentusa.com

At School Bus Figure 8 Races, real-life and only-in-it-for-the-race bus drivers negotiate the figure 8 course, trying to avoid hitting each other in the crossover, blowing an engine, or tipping over in the turns. The buses are often decorated with graffiti and cartoons of screaming kids painted in the windows.

School Bus Figure 8 Races web: www.members.tripod.com/seat_slasha/f8.html

Lawn mower drag racing involves guys, ages 16 to 80, who modify riding lawn mowers so they can accelerate up to 70mph in three seconds and reach top speeds up to 127mph. The only rule is that modifications cannot be made to more than 50% of the original lawn mower.

Lawn Mower Drag Racing web: www.letsmow.com

 

ART CARS

America's love affair with the car has some creative extroverts converting their objects of affection into moving art. Art cars are vehicles that have been transformed into mobile, public folk-art, their owners merging their adoration for their car with their need to express themselves in a very public way. Art car events are quite the opposite of the testerone-driven pursuits described above. Steered by highly individualistic and artistic men and women, they slowly cruise the highways on their way to the dozens of art car parades held every year.

There are several hundred art cars nationwide as well as a few art boats and art motorbikes. Many have an American flag somewhere on the vehicle as a symbol of personal freedom, the very sentiment that encourages such eccentricity to flourish here Some artists like to dress like their cars: the 'Button Man' covered his mailbox, toilet, coffin and clothing, as well as his car, in buttons. The 'Ambulance to the Future', by Peter Lochren, has an alien recovering in an oxygen chamber on the roof; its sides are painted with underwater, robotic alien scenes, and he and his co-pilot always wear matching protective gear. Artist Jan Elftmann saved over 20,000 corks while working as a waitress to make her 'Cork Truck'; she has a dress to match. Other art cars, like the 'Buick of Unconditional Love' owned by Philo Northrup, make a social statement-his features a spawning, mummified fish on the hood, a live garden on the back; and Betty Boop making love with a Buddah on the roof. 'Danger', by Reverend Charles Linville (and his dog) is covered with everything that is bad for you, from hazardous industrial equipment to red meat.

Some cars simply reflect their owner's quirky personality. The 'Graffiti Beamer', by Marilyn Dreampeace, invites you to play on her car that is covered with interactive musical toys. The 'Duke', by Rick McKinney, transformed an old 1970s' car into one piled high with antique trunks, a typewriter (reflecting his career as a writer), tons of beads, baubles, bones, robotic arms, graffiti and autographs of celebrities he's come across while driving it. Inside there's a live ferret and a working model train set. 'Cowasaki' is a motorbike converted into a cow. The 'Guitar Cycle' is a rolling guitar; singer Ray Nelson drove it across the country, singing in honky tonks along the way. And then there's 'Funomena' (fa-nom-en-na - get it?). This mobile museum of the weird and strange also tours with the art cars. Actually, anything on wheels, from unicycles to lawnmowers, can be decked out and join the parades. Log on to the art car web site below s to find out about art car parades and events nationwide.

Art Cars web: www.artcarworld.com, www.artcarfest.com, and artcaragency.com

HARROD BLANK, art car designer and photographer Harrod Blank, art car photographer and filmmaker, created the Camera Van (pictured in this book), one of America's most famous art cars. The van is covered with almost 2,500 cameras, some of which flash randomly to draw attention to the van (just in case no one noticed!) and some of which are strategically mounted so as to capture the astonishment and disbelief on people's faces when they see him coming. According to Harrod, the van is "both the bait and the snare that catches the prey, both the fascination and the flash." His intent is to record that "magical instant of reflex reaction, of surprise, bewilderment, wonder, of curiosity in action." Not surprisingly, the Camera Van also had folks gawking in amazement in England, Canada and Germany. In addition, Harrod owns Pico De Gallo, a VW Bug transformed into a playable tribute to rock and roll, complete with working instruments and an interactive sound system. Typical of art car owners, Harrod thrives on the attention driving an art car brings. Driving into a town, he honks the horn just in case people aren't paying attention. Highly individualistic, art car creators tend to be open, curious and gregarious, unconventional folk who invite adventure and mystery. "Time stands still", says Harrod when he's driving one of his art cars. He only drives his regular car when he's in a hurry, which isn't very often. Harrod likes to think of himself as a 'conduit to understanding the weird'. In a 1992 film, Wild Wheels, he documented four-dozen artists and their cars; a book by the same name followed. His second book, Art Cars, was published in 2002, and he produced another art car documentary in 2003. He's also working on a film about Burning Man, the alternative arts festival, a picture of which is on the cover of this guidebook. Web: www.cameravan.com and www.artcaragency.com

 

PECULIAR PURSUITS

'Forward into the past' is the motto of the Society for Creative Anachronism, an organization of people who research and recreate the Middle Ages. Not to be confused with dungeons and dragons role-playing games, these aficionados take their history very, very seriously. From authentic costumes to faking an authentic death on the battlefield, these knights and warriors are exacting in their practice of medieval culture and customs. Feudal society is a lifestyle for its members, many of whom hail from the diametrically opposite high tech field. Events take place almost every weekend around the country.

Society for Creative Anachronism web: www.sca.org

Forty years ago California was the birthplace of the first Renaissance Faire, now a network of 152 countrywide medieval festivals celebrating the work, play, music, religion, and superstition of the English Renaissance. Featuring reenactments and historically-based entertainment, foods, and crafts, these fairs have spawned an industry of guilds and clans eager to play at all things medieval. Men in tights and women in coarse cloth roam the streets portraying constables, peasants, cutpurses (pickpockets), gypsies, knights, and Barons. There are swordfights, jousting knights on horseback, and plenty of brew masters to keep things lively.

Renaissance Faires web: faires.com

Historical Reenactors are a zealous bunch, recreating historic war battles with fanatical realism. Some go so far as to live on a soldier's diet so they'll be appropriately gaunt, or practice bloating out their bodies so they appear to have been dead for a day or two. They sleep outside in the rain, subsist on scavenged food, and have trouble explaining to their loved ones why they do such asinine things. Passionate imposters like these often join associations such as that of Lincoln Presenters, the Gunfight Reenactors Association, the American Federation of Old West Reenactors, and Reenactors of the American Civil War.

Historical Reenactors web: "Google" reenactors for specific time periods and wars

The Friends of the Society of Primitive Technology goes back way, way further than the reenactors above. These folks teach primitive skill workshops where you can learn seven ways to make a fire (flicking your Bik lighter isn't one of them), craft primitive tools and weapons, and make shelters out of natural materials (we're not talking cotton and linen here). They conduct workshops in various locations across the country, teaching classes in such subjects as "Brain-Tanned Buffalo Hides"; "Deer Hoof Rattle"; "Four Hour Kayak"; and "Was Agriculture a Good Idea or an Act of Desperation?"

According to their website, the Rainbow Nation is the largest non-organization of non-members in the world. Nobody represents them and the website itself is unofficial, describing them as 'into non-violence, community building, and alternative life styles', which is pretty much the same as saying they're still living in the 1960s. They hold regional gatherings throughout the year and an annual gathering each summer somewhere in a forest--out of sight anyone who doesn't appreciate mind-altering substances. "Focalizers" (there are no leaders) facilitate consensus when needed. Aging and wanna-be hippies, deadheads, and chickie-poos (young, beautiful things) drink from bliss cups, speak when holding 'the feather', and pray for peace here on earth. Aren't you relieved that somebody is looking out for your welfare?

Rainbow Nation Gatherings held annually in regional locations; web: www.welcomehome.org

Society of Primitive Technology web: www.primitiveways.com

Beware the attack of the closet eccentrics, for they strike when you least expect it, leaving behind the stuff of urban legends. Who are they? Members of Cacophony Societies, loosely structured groups of people who band together to metaphorically give the finger to the more pompous aspects of American culture. Their preposterous pranks, public buffoonery, performance art, and field trips are all about making noisy spectacles of themselves and providing cultural feedback that society hasn't asked for. They claim to be 'nonpolitical, nonprophet, and nonsensical', part time eccentrics misbehaving for the greater good. According to their entertaining website, you may already be a member.

Cacophony Societies web: www.cacophony.org

Tattoo conventions include body art contests along with an exhibit floor where artists sell their merchandise and tattooing skills. Unadorned folks attend for many reasons, but the main one is the opportunity to be immersed in a strange, foreign world while having the freedom to stare at other people's tattoos without being considered rude. You also get a unique chance to ask someone with dozens of body piercings or tattoos why on earth they do it. Tattoo contest categories include the best black and white, most unusual, best tribal, best portrait, and best overall. Binoculars are acceptable: it makes it easier to appreciate the body art up close.

Tattoo conventions web: www.tattoodirectory.com/calendr2.htm

Pretending they're scientists living on Mars, members of the Mars Society volunteer for two week stints in habitats they hope simulate conditions likely to be encountered by explorers to the red planet. One of the "habs", as they're called, is in the Utah desert near Hanksville. Looking very much like a giant silo, the structure houses would-be colonists who must act in accordance with strict mission protocols during their simulation. The team keeps meticulous records and ventures outside only while wearing their spacesuits: helmets made from plastic light fixtures and trash can lids, and canvas suits trimmed with duct tape. The society has around 5,000 members worldwide, all sincerely dedicated to the cause of human Mars exploration. They're no dummies, either; many are NASA employees. Another "hab" station is in Canada and more are planned for Iceland and the artic.

Mars Society web: marssociety.org

The popularity of the Sweet Potato Queens is best summed up by their motto: "Never wear panties to a party". At least that's what they want you to think. Known far and wide for their audacious, mostly-for-show personas, queens from the country's 1700 chapters don wigs, sleazy dresses, sparkly sunglasses, majorette boots and tacky crowns and give themselves permission to behave outrageously, if only for a few hours. Never mind that most of them are usually normal, well-behaved women of a certain age. To a Sweet Potato Queen, it's the inner harlot that counts. The web site is a hoot. Sweet Potato Queens web: www.sweetpotatoqueens.com   More sedate and more plentiful than the queens above are the members of the Red Hat Society, a "disorganization" of women fifty and older that get together for outings wearing red hats and clashing purple clothes. Each of the country's 14,000 of chapters has a queen mother who enforces "suggestions" (there aren't any rules), one of which is that members under fifty stick to pink hats and lavender clothing until THAT birthday. Red Hat Society web: www.redhatsociety.com

 

The summer and fall maze season (August through early November) offers hundreds of opportunities to get lost among the corn stalks. Known as "agritainment", these human-size cornfield labyrinths have become increasingly complex, often taking two to three hours to exit if you're too embarrassed to raise the white flag. Some of the more ambitious mazes are two stories high with slides and tunnels added to the twists and turns.

Cornfield Mazes web: www.CornMaze.net/get-in-touch.htm; www.cornfieldmaze.com/site_list.html; www.AmericanMaze.com

Murder Mystery events take place at country inns, downtown hotels, on cruise ships and on trains. Carefully crafted and cunningly executed, these dinner and weekend experiences range in complexity from simple audience participation to costumed and role-playing involvement. The food is often linked to the theme of the event, and all mysteries end with prizes being awarded to the most clever and most clueless sleuths.

Murder Mysteries web: www.murdermystery.com

If sleeping with ghosts and prowling haunted places appeals to you, there are several web sites to help you find your elusive prey. Prairieghosts.com is all things ghostly, providing information and links to hundreds of ghost tours, cemetery tours, and haunted sites. Around Halloween time, BedandBreakfast.com has links to members offering close encounters of the ghostly kind. Click on the specials button, and then use the drop down menu to choose the theme.

Ghosts & Hauntings webs: www.prairieghosts.com; BedandBreakfast.com

Anybody can create a 'day' in America. You simply proclaim it, then promote it to establish it. You can even register it online at the National Special Events Registry. Ever since the government backed out of the special events business in 1994, it's been open season for holidays. For example, we have Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night; Buy a Musical Instrument Day; National Juggling and Kitchen Klutzes of America Day; Cuckoo Warning Day; and National Nude Day. If a day isn't enough, your can name a week or even a month. March is National Noodle Month; April belongs to Welding; May is Fungal Infection Month. For thousands more curious, nutty, and peculiar holidays, visit the web sites below.

National Special Events Registry web: www.celebratetoday.com; www.chases.com

There's more to the "sport" of competitive eating than cramming in food and letting loose with a few hearty belches. For those who criss-cross the country entering eating contests at food festivals, this is serious business indeed because the prize winnings can be considerable. Except for one ironclad rule-"if you heave, you leave"-competitors are on their own to devise winning strategies and to train effectively. For example, pickles require more jaw stamina than do hotdogs, especially if you dunk the buns in water to cut chewing time. Some prefer to fast before gorging; others work on expanding their stomachs in the days prior to an event. Referred to as "athletes" by their brethren, these glutton gladiators compete by eating everything from beef tongue to butter, cow brains to matzo balls. The web site has listings of events countrywide.

International Federation of Competitive Eaters (IFOCE) web: www.ifoce.com

 

PET PURSUITS

Canine freestyle dancing is actually an athletic sport, healthy for both people and dogs. Instructors help you select music suitable for your dog's style and temperament (they really do perk up when music appeals to them!), then choreograph your dance routines, planning the steps and movements that make up your "dance". Add costumes coordinated with the theme of the music you've chosen and you're ready to rock. There are lots of local and regional classes and events if you just want to have fun while getting Fido in shape. If you get really good you can go on to the national competitions.

Canine freestyle dancing web: www.canine-freestyle.org; www.worldcaninefreestyle.org

If you're determined to spend your vacation with your dog, log on to dog-play.com for links to all kinds of activities you and your dog can enjoy together. This comprehensive site is an amazing resource for dog lovers, covering, among other things, dog camps, carting and scootering, flygility, performance trick art, and rollerblading. If you need accommodation along the way, check out petswelcome.com

Dog-Play.com web: www.dog-play.com; www.petswelcome.com

If your mother always complained you didn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain, then a storm chasing tour might be for you. Led by weather fanatics with state-of-the-art storm finding equipment, these tours last from one to two weeks during prime storm-chasing season in May and June. Most of them originate out of Oklahoma City and can travel thousands of miles in search of the perfect storm in the multi-state region known as Tornado Alley. Don't expect a rain check if skies stay clear.

Storm Chasers web: www.silverliningtours.com; www.cloud9tours.com; stormchasing.com; tempesttours.com

 

CURIOUS COLLECTIONS

Scattered all over the states, Ripley's Believe It or Not Museums can be found in heavily touristed areas. Each museum's displays, housed in 27 museums in ten countries, are 90% unique and different. Robert Ripley, a modern day combination of Marco Polo and Indiana Jones, collected unbelievable (but true), inexplicable, and one-of-a-kind oddities over a period of 40 years.

Ripley's Believe It or Not Museums web: ripleys.com

 

KEEP AN EYE OUT. . .

Shoe trees, not the type you put in your shoes, are the kind you throw your shoes up and into. Shoe trees, and sometimes shoe fences, pop up from time to time on back roads where trees still line the highway. No one really knows how or why a particular tree is selected, but all of a sudden there'll be shoes and boots hanging from it. You won't find most of them listed in this guide, though, because nature often has her way with them. So just keep your eyes out or, better yet, start your own.

Street performers work the heavily touristed areas of America's cities, delighting passers-by with their antics while earning a living of sorts. Louis Armstrong, BB King, Bob Dylan, Johnny Carson, and Robin Williams all got their start on the street. From chain saw juggling to flying house cats to living statues, there's some fine-and wacky-talent to be found out there.

 

CORPORATE KUDOS

You wouldn't normally associate "quirky" with "corporate" but in the case of Hampton Inns & Hotels, you'd have to make an exception. This hotel chain, part of the Hilton family, has made it their mission to renovate and preserve roadside landmarks all across America. Dubbed "Save-A-Landmark", the program was launched in 2000 as a way to bring the one thousand Hampton Hotels together on a single-focused, service-oriented cause. They identified hundreds of beloved American landmarks-historical, fun, and cultural--in need of repair, most of them built in the 30s, 40s, and 50s. A million dollars later, they're making a real difference, fixing up icon after icon. Inn employees and volunteers do the actual work. In 2003 they turned their attention to Route 66, fixing up landmarks in eight states and donating 100 route markers.

The corporation also has a fondness for festivals and events, maintaining a comprehensive web site, "Year of 1,000 Weekends", of the most unique, entertaining, quirky, educational and enjoyable events happening each weekend in cities and towns across America. Organizing them into ten different categories of interest, the most eccentric events can be found in the "really different" section of the website.

Save A Landmark, Hampton Inn web: www.hamptoninn.com/landmarks
Hampton's Year of 1,000 Weekends web: www.hamptoninnnweekends.com

TOTALLY ABSURD INVENTIONS A nose wipe for skiers that controls irritating nose drip without having to resort to cumbersome tissues that are never available when you need them. This nifty wrist attachment protects your sleeves without any trouble or bother, preventing interruption of or delay in your sporting activity. Snot a bad idea. An easy on, easy lift 'hospital happiness flap' covers that embarrassing part of your anatomy exposed by the diabolical, rear-opening hospital gown. Think what a favor you're doing the hospital staff. A motorized ice cream cone. Using your tongue for repeated licking actions can become tiresome. Modern technology saves you the bother: simply put your cone into a holder, flip a switch, and voilà! - your tongue stays still while your cone spins around. A boob tube to protect yourself from the weather at sporting events. Umbrellas block another's view and can cause umbrella wrist syndrome. Instead, slip into your own little tube complete with arm slits and a built in hood. If it were made from yellow slicker material, you'd be mistaken for a corn dog. A hijacker injector, a device to be installed under every airline seat that would allow the pilot to remotely activate a syringe, filled with sedative or poison, to eject its contents into the hijackers butt. Other genius inventions on the site include bulletproof buttocks, a wearable doghouse, toilet landing lights, a kissing shield and pogo shoes. Ted VanCleave, originator of the site, came upon the idea by accident when he was applying for a patent in 1997 for his inflatable greeting cards. You can wile away hours and hours here.

 

QUIRK ALERT The Museum of Menstruation and Women's Health is looking for a permanent home. Planned displays include an actual menstrual hut, the history of menstrual objects, customs and advertising, and current women's health issues. Until recently the museum was in the private home of a bachelor, but folks were reluctant to visit the museum in that location. The museum's founder, Harry Finley, has amassed 4,000 items relating to the subject. Web: www.mum.org

 

ECCENTRIC AMERICA is published by Bradt Guides, at $19.95 USD retail