Regional Highlights

Highlights from the 2nd edition of Eccentric America

Northcentral | Western | Northwest | Southcentral | Northeast | Southeast

NORTHCENTRAL

QUIRKYVILLE

It takes balls, two of them actually, to put Alexandria on the map. First there was the 200-pound hairball, coughed up by the town's sewer system and promoted, supposedly, as one of the world's largest. But you can only coast on a hairball for so long. That's where Mike Carmichael, a house painter, comes in. For 26 years he's unknowingly been working on the town's next big tourist attraction: the World's Largest Ball of Paint.

It all started out innocently enough with a regular one-pound baseball, nine inches in circumference. Seventeen thousand, three hundred coats of paint later, the ball is 104 inches around and weighs 1100 pounds. Mike has been painting a single coat of paint on that ball every day since 1977, keeping meticulous records as to how many layers of each of twenty colors the ball contains. (Blue is the most common, with 2029 layers; silver the least with only 2 layers). It's finally gotten big enough that he and the mayor are hopeful that the ball will become Alexandria's next claim to fame. Can a Big Balls Festival be far behind? Mike will accept email requests if you want to have a layer painted in your honor.

World's Largest Ball of Paint. 10696 N. 200 W., Alexandria, IN 46001; [765 724 4088]; web: www.ballofpaint.com/BOP/index.shtml Contact the Chamber of Commerce, 119 N. Harrison, Alexandria, IN 46001; [765 724 3144]; web: www.alexandriachamber.com

The Lakeview Museum's Community Solar System spreads over 60 miles of central Illinois, making it the largest complete solar system model in the world. The sun, 36 feet across, is at the museum itself. Saturn and its rings, nearly eight feet across, is in a grocery store in East Peoria; the Earth, a mere four inches, hangs in a gas station. The original Pluto was stolen from its furniture store orbit in Kewanee, replaced with a gumball until the museum made a 3/4-inch replacement. If you visited all the planets, with a stop for lunch in historic Peoria, you'd travel the equivalent of 25 billion miles, or 200 miles by car. Want to ride the Jupiter-Saturn-Jupiter bike trail? You'll ride 1.5 billion miles, or 12 miles. For directions to all nine planets, email the creator of the solar system, Sheldon Schafer, at sschafer@lakeview-museum.org

Lakeview Museum's Community Solar System. 1125 W Lake Ave., Peoria, IL 61614-5985; [309 686 7000]; web: www.lakeview-museum.org

Some people collect bananas, or toasters, or weird stuff like drain tiles. Don Gorske, 50, collects calories, as in Big Macs. Known as the "Big Mac Guy", Don has eaten more than 20,000 of the 500-calorie hamburger sandwiches, averaging two a day for 30 years while eating at McDonald's restaurants in 48 states and Canada. Ask him the price in 1972 and he can tell you: 49 cents. He keeps a meticulous calendar, carefully recording the number of each consumed (number 8,000 was on May 28, 1987; number 19,000 was on March 18, 2003). At 18,250 he earned the Guinness World record for Big Macs consumed. The most Big Macs ever eaten in a day? Nine. He's only missed eating a Big Mac eight days since starting his quest, being stopped only be a snowstorm, a death in the family, a work emergency, and a short vacation. The McDonald's corporation recognized him with their highest honor: a Ronald McDonald poster, shirt decal, and proclamation.

You'd think he'd weigh as much as six hundred Big Macs, (they're 7 ounces each) but he doesn't. He's a tall, slender six-footer, 185 pounds, with normal cholesterol. He just loves Big Macs and wishes he could visit a McDonalds in every city and state in America. On the days he can't actually get to a McDonalds, he eats one from the freezer, keeping a supply on hand for just such an emergency. (His brother mailed him once from Cancun, Mexico.) So passionate is Don about his peculiar pursuit that he proposed to his wife at McDonalds.

WESTERN

Sixteen years ago, Leonard Knight's hot air balloon, carrying the message 'God is Love', failed him on an impossibly bleak and barren patch of desert near the Salton Sea. It was here, in this inhospitable place, that Leonard had a vision: God wanted him to paint his message on the side of a mountain. There was only one problem. He would have to build the mountain first. Today, Salvation Mountain, and its message of love and redemption, is three stories high and about a hundred feet wide, a brilliant patch of incongruity rising up out of the desolate landscape. Molded entirely by hand, Leonard, who is in his 70s, made the mountain out of hay bales, adobe, old paint, window putty, and truly astounding tenacity. For all these years, he's lived at the foot of his handmade mountain in a ramshackle truck with no electricity, plumbing or water. Besides the mountain itself, Leonard is working on a "balloon", again building it out of hay bales, adobe, and paint, as well as a "hogan", a multi-room structure supported by trees made from old tractor and car tires, tree branches, telephone poles, and yet more adobe and paint.

To say that Leonard is happy is an understatement. He's a genuinely warm, intelligent, dedicated man, fully aware of his eccentricity. He won't accept any money, asking only for old paint with which he constantly touches up his mountain so it'll stay shiny. He welcomes visitors and delights in telling you about his passion, pressing postcards of his creation into your hands so you can help him spread the word of God's love. A colossal achievement, Leonard's mountain is a monument devoted to peaceful coexistence. Unfortunately, the government didn't always see it quite that way, declaring the place a toxic nightmare a few years back. They were ready to bulldoze it when a legion of Leonard's fans successfully petitioned the legislature to declare it a work of religious art and therefore immune from destruction. He and his mountain are now famous all over the world thanks to occasional busloads of international tourists and a host of print and broadcast media stories. If you can, bring old paint when you come to visit. But even if you arrive empty handed, you'll come away with postcards and a memory that won't soon depart.

Salvation Mountain, Niland, CA located south of I-10, 5 miles east of Hwy 111 at Niland. Contact Leonard Knight, PO Box 298, Niland, CA 92257. Visit anytime.

'Part of you thinks it's in poor taste, part of you wants an X-Large'. That's the slogan at Skeletons in the Closet, an improbable gift shop in the Los Angeles Coroner's Office. The shop, squeezed into a second-floor office, sells hats, mugs, clothing, toe tags, beach towels, mouse pads, key chains, magnets and more, all carrying the Coroner's name along with a cute body-outline logo. The 'body bag' garment bag is especially apropos. The idea for the shop came about quite by accident. Employees often had souvenir items made for company events like picnics and sporting competitions. Friends and relatives clamored for a chance to buy these unique items so a tiny 'shop' was set up in a janitor's closet. The rest is history. The shop is so popular they're getting ready to take over yet another office. The funds raised at the shop support the Youthful Drunk Driver Visitation Program. They're dying for your business.

Skeletons in the Closet, Los Angeles County Coroner's Office, 1104 N Mission Rd, 2nd Floor, Los Angeles, CA 90033; [323 343 0760]; web: www.lacoroner.com. Open Mon-Fri 8.00am-4.30pm.

Being dubbed the "Armpit of America" would have to be a city's worst nightmare and the touristically-challenged town of Battle Mountain, population 3,000, wasn't thrilled by their dubious distinction. Writer Gene Weingarten bestowed the title upon them in the Washington Post Sunday Magazine in December 2001, citing its "lack of character and charm, its pathetic assemblage of ghastly buildings and nasty people" and it's location "in the midst of harsh and uninviting wilderness". The townsfolk have gamely accepted their fate, however, and managed to convince the Old Spice deodorant company to sponsor an annual Festival In the Pit. They toss deodorant instead of eggs, hold a "quick-draw" antiperspirant contest, and sponsor an armpit beauty pageant. The story of Battle Mountain's rise to armpit fame is a fascinating one; you'll find a link to it on the town website.

Festival in the Pit, held annually in August. Contact the Battle Mountain Chamber of Commerce, 625 S. Broad St., Battle Mt., NV. 89820; [775 635 8245]; web: www.battlemountain.org

As live-in environments go, this is one of the very best. From the moment you enter Michael Kahn and Leda Livant's world, till long after you leave it, you'll be mesmerized by what they've created in a lush desert region north of Phoenix. Eliphante, named after the accidental elephantine shape of the entrance tunnel, is both an art form and their home. Sprawling over three acres, their undulating, fantastical structures house themselves and their art, the land barely able to contain the exuberance that Eliphante exudes. A visit there means letting yourself play, taking in the forms, patterns, colors and textures with all your senses. Michael and Leda settled on this property in 1979, living in their truck and in a tent. Scavenging natural materials from the creek and the desert, they sculpted the first "building", creating an art structure that became architecture. The path to it winds by a creek, topped by a canopy of driftwood. The main entrance is through a tunnel that leads to a domed chamber, every inch of which is decorated with a mosaic of glass, stone, tile, plaster, paint, and wood. Next they created their wintertime "home", another undulating, highly idiosyncratic structure, as well as an outdoor kitchen, bathroom, and shower.

Next they moved on to the largest installation on the property, Pipe Dreams, 2500 square feet of tactile and visual adventure. You'll be in awe at what you see, an underground labyrinth inlaid with intricate wood, tile, and stone mosaics. Walls and ceilings are draped with fabrics, collages, and Mylar weavings. Light streams in from secret sources. There's not a straight line in sight; everything flows, rounds, and curves. Michael's paintings hang throughout. The whole thing is topped by a giant sculpture of twisting, intertwining metal pipes, a sight any extra-terrestrial would find hard to resist. In yet another structure off to the side, the ceiling gets lower and lower until you're forced to crawl toward the light at the end of the tunnel. The room at the end is well worth it. Whatever the forces driving Leda and Michael, the end result is a truly unique, utterly extraordinary eccentric environment.

Eliphante. P.O. Box 971, Cornville, AZ 86325; [928 634 4341]; web: www.eliphante.org Directions: From Interstate 17 take 293W to Cornville. Go about 9 miles, cross a bridge, then go one block to Loy Rd. Left on Loy about 2 1/2 miles, then left on Kaddomoto which dead ends at Candler. Right on Candler (dips and curves). Turn right at the Eliphante mailbox. You must call ahead for an appointment. Sometimes Michael has to ferry you across the creek in a canoe!

This has to rank among the wackiest event to ever have originated in a bar. Moon Amtrak draws hundreds people to a chain link fence between the Mugs Away Saloon and the railroad tracks on the second Saturday in July. Otherwise respectable people then do something they normally wouldn't dream of doing - they drop their drawers and "moon" the two-dozen passenger trains that pass by that day. When it gets dark they moon by flashlight and by lanterns hung on the fence, hundreds of bare buns glowing in the flickering light. The mooning, which has been going on since a bar challenge started it all 25 years ago, draws crowds to both sides of the fence. The trains are booked solid months in advance for moon day. No one actually sponsors or organizes this event; it just has a life of its own.

Moon Amtrak takes place annually the second Saturday in July across from Mugs Amway Saloon in Laguna Niguel, CA. Web: www.moonamtrak.org. Free.

Directions: Northbound on Interstate-5: exit "AVERY PKWY". Turn west at the end of the off-ramp. Short block street ends at "T" intersection, Turn North (Right) on Camino Capistrano. The train tracks will be on your Left. 1.2 Miles to Mugs Away Saloon, Please don't park next to the chain link fence by train tracks; that's where the "mooning" happens.

NORTHWEST

Let's set the stage. D. B. Cooper is famous for one, single act--he hijacked a jet in 1971 and parachuted into the Washington night with $200,000 of ransom money tied to his waist. He disappeared forever, leaving behind a legacy as the country's only unsolved hijacking. On the edge of Lake Merwin is the tiny (pop.700) town of Ariel that became, for a time, headquarters for the search team. Since 1974 the town has held a D.B.Cooper Party at the Aerial Store to honor their only claim to fame. Two hundred and fifty fans show up each year, with one once coming from as far away as Australia. In the five-year milestone years, that number doubles. Always the Saturday after Thanksgiving, the party only lasts a day, starting around 1 PM and ending, usually, by midnight. If the guests are feeling creative, they'll start a story-telling contest, giving a prize for the best story of what might have happened to old D.B. They always have a look-alike contest, with D.B. Cooper fans showing up dressed as the hijacker was-in a suit with a backpack, a parachute, goggles, and no shoes. Otherwise they just hang around, listening to music, and keeping the story alive.

D.B.Cooper Party held every November, always the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Aerial Store, 288 Merwin Village Rd, Aerial, WA 98603 [360 225 7126] 10 miles east of Woodland off Hwy 503. Look for the Merwin Dam sign.

If you want to share the story of your visit of Saturn, Lawrence Johns is willing to listen. Director of the new (2003) Portland Alien Museum, that's his job--to collect evidence and research to display in the converted home that houses his long term dreams. The only UFO museum west of Roswell, NM, the museum features newspaper stories reporting close encounters with aliens, video monitors showing crop circles, and evidence from the Roswell incident itself. With a doctorate in theology and a passion for art, he hopes his museum will provide a valuable public service as well as entertainment. Considering that he offers a 3-D alien roller-coaster film, entertainment might top the list.

Portland Alien Museum. 1716 NE 42nd Ave., Portland, OR 97213; [503 287 UFOS]. Open Sat-Sun11:00am-6:00pm, weekdays by appointment.

For Michael Garnier, taking the path less traveled led him to the treetops. A counterculture, 60's hippie, Michael saw an oak tree that just begged for a treehouse to grace its branches. Having failed in a previous attempt to open a conventional B & B, he built the tree house and started renting it out, drawing the attention of county building officials who ordered him to tear it down. Not to be deterred, he proved that it was structurally sound by stuffing it with 66 people, two dogs, and a cat. Then, ignoring county officials completely, he started building more treehouses, dubbing his handiwork the Out 'n' About Treesort.

Guests loved the charming and comfortable, if quirky, quarters. But the county came back, this time ordering him to stop charging for the unique accommodations. Michael responded by letting guests stay for free as long as they bought a "treeshirt" for $75 - $125. Officials weren't at all amused and a contentious eight-year legal battle ensued. Eventually Michael prevailed and the treesort finally became "legal" in 2001. Today it boasts a dozen different treehouses, each with a distinct personality and easily, if unconventionally, accessible.

The Swiss Family Complex features a parent's unit with the separate children's unit connected by a swinging bridge. Then there's a two-story treehouse, another one reached by a spiral stairway in one tree connected by a platform to another stairway in yet another tree, and one reachable by ladder and suspension bridge. The communal bathrooms are ground level but you can always use the chamber pot if you don't feel like climbing down during the night. Pack light!

Out 'n' About Treesort. 300 Page Creek Rd., Takilma, OR 97523; [541 592 2208]; web: www.treehouses.com

SOUTH CENTRAL

Nicknamed the "Garage Mahal", the Art Car Museum displays highly eccentric, one-of-a-kind cars decorated and built by their equally eccentric owners. These cars, flamboyant expressions of their owner's quirky personalities, usually make a political or personal statement. Some owners have been known to dress like their cars, covered in stuff like buttons or pennies. Some are representative, like the Roachster or Rex Rabbit, or follow a theme like the Swamp Mutha. Others are plastered with all manner of things from toys to beadwork. You really have to see these cars to understand what would drive these artists to express themselves in this gentle, yet extroverted way.

The Art Car Museum, 140 Heights Blvd, Houston, TX 77007; [713 861 5526]; web: www.artcarmuseum.com. Open Wed-Sun 11:00am - 6:00 pm.

Barney Smith is a master in the art of decorating toilet seats and he's got 616 examples hanging in his garage museum to prove it. His Toilet Seat Art Museum is a real traffic stopper as he swings open the doors, exposing his artistic endeavors for all the world to see. A retired master plumber, Barney, now in his 80's, has been painting "theme" toilet seats as a hobby for 32 years. Along with discarded seats, plumbing supply houses send him their damaged seats and he decorates each one with something special. Each seat is numbered, catalogued, and then documented with information about the materials he used for decoration, who might have donated the materials, and what inspired the idea. His seats display, among other things, volcanic ash from Mr. St. Helens, a piece of the Berlin Wall, barbed wire from a WWII concentration camp, and a piece of insulation from the Challenger Space Shuttle explosion. Less infamous art includes arrowheads, license plates, Pokemon cards, casket handles, and tributes to all the service clubs in America. Be sure to sign his guest book; he's had visitors from 44 countries.

Toilet Seat Art Museum 239 Abiso Avenue San Antonio, TX; [210 824 7791]; web: www.unusualmuseums.org/toilet. Located in the Alamo Heights area of San Antonio: at 6021 Broadway, go around behind the bank to Argo Street, go 2 blocks to Arbutus, then left one half block to Abiso. If you see the flag and welcome sign, he's open. If you call ahead he'll be sure to be there to show you around.

An eye-opening look at American funeral customs is graphically presented at the National Museum of Funeral History in Houston. From icebox caskets, which kept the body 'fresh' in pre-embalming days; to bizarre caskets, such as the casket built for three; to the ostentatious, like the all-glass casket which proved too heavy for even ten pallbearers to lift, the museum is a fascinating look at the history of burial customs. Mourning attire, jewelry made from the deceased's hair, memorabilia of the funerals of the rich and famous, death wagons and hearses, along with a video on the Value of the Funeral, make this a memorable place to spend a few hours dealing with the inevitable. The entrance to the museum has a 'Find a Famous Grave' kiosk that leads you electronically to the remains of the previously famous. A recent addition is the collection of fantasy coffins from Ghana, where elaborate versions are designed to capture the essence of the dead they contain. On display are coffins depicting a KLM airplane, a Mercedes car, various boats, animals and even an outboard motor. You can pass the time on the next leg of your journey trying to imagine what would happen if this custom caught on here.

National Museum of Funeral History, 415 Barren Springs Dr, Houston, TX 77090; [281 876 3063] web: www.nmfh.org. Open Mon-Fri 10:00am-4:00pm, Sat-Sun 12:00noon-4:00pm.

QUIRKYVILLE

There's one hippo for every 57 people in Hutto, a situation causing dissent among the town's 5,000 residents. Eighty-seven of the huge concrete creatures adorn the sidewalks and public spaces, the result of a hippo-crazed mayor's obsession with the beasts and his determination to bring tourism to Hutto. Half the townsfolk are embarrassed by the bulbous figures; the other half takes delight in decorating them and dressing them up. The state legislature recently declared Hutto the Hippo Capitol of the World.

Hutto Hippos, contact Hutto Chamber of Commerce, P.O. Box 99, Hutto, TX 78634 [512 759 4400]; web : www.hutto.org

"Grandpa Bredo" has been grandfathered in - he's the only corpse in town allowed to hang out on private property. Since 1989 the eighty-nine year old body has been resting at his grandson's house in an ice-encased shed in the back yard, his blanket of dry ice replenished monthly with 1500 pounds of the stuff to keep him properly frozen. And since 1989 the town has been trying to pass an ordinance prohibiting Grandpa from remaining a resident. As the story goes, Tygve Bauge, a devoted grandson, had Grandpa's body shipped from Norway when he died and put on ice in hopes of resurrecting him in the future.

Unfortunately, Tygve was deported shortly afterward following an immigration dispute, but Grandpa was allowed to stay, cared for by a secretive caretaker. The town reacted by passing a law making it illegal to store dead bodies on private property but they couldn't make it retroactive to cover the existing situation. Giving up the fight, they now celebrate Frozen Dead Guy Day. While no one has seen the actual body in years, that doesn't stop the town from celebrating their decidedly weird claim to fame. Festival day includes a coffin race, a snow-sculpting contest, a parade, tours to the shed, a frozen dead van smash, and "Bride of Grandpa and Grandma" look-alike contests. "He's a champion of the rights of the temporarily dead," says Kathy Beeck, producer of "Grandpa's Still In The Tuff Shed", a documentary screened frequently during the festival.

Frozen Dead Guy Day, held annually in March. Contact the Nederland Chamber of Commerce, P.O. Box 85, Nederland, CO 80466; [800 221-0044] or [303 258 3936; web: www.nederlandchamber.org

Devoted to preserving and documenting outsider art environments, the Kansas Grassroots Art Center exhibits and promotes the work of self taught artists, artists about whom the term "crazy" is frequently applied. The term "grassroots" or "outsider" art refers to people with no formal artistic training, people who usually begin compulsively producing their work around retirement age. They use ordinary and found materials in extraordinary ways, often spending decades building a bizarre environment that suits them. The center's galleries display the work done by outsider artists of the region: strange stone and wood carvings, aluminum pull-tab sculptures (think chairs and motorcycles), metal totems, convoluted machines, and glass-studded concrete sculptures. Kansas ranks third in America in the number of grassroots art sites, also called eccentric environments, after Wisconsin and California.

Kansas Grassroots Art Center, 213 S. Main St., Box 304, Lucas, KS 67648; [785 525 6118]; web: home.comcast.net/~ymirymir/index2.htm. Art Center hours vary seasonally.

JUST PLAIN WEIRD

Talk about leaving a lasting impression! You've just got to check out the J. Stephen O'Laughlin Memorial Restroom at Waldo's Pizza in Kansas City. This audaciously bold farewell gesture was supposed to be Joe's swan song, a way for his pizza slinging days to be remembered in the employee bathroom after he'd quit to seek fame and fortune in California. The idea germinated when Joe, suffering from a bought of the flu, got a fever-enhanced vision for the memorial bathroom. Thinking his idea was brilliant, if not quite mad, he set about gathering mementos of his not-very-distinguished life, framing them, and then making up museum-type placards describing his egocentric flotsam. His next challenge was to covertly mount the exhibits so as not to alert his boss as to his intentions. Enlisting the help of fellow employees, he got the memorial installed by having his cohorts distract the boss during Joe's going-away party. When the boss used the restroom the next day, he had what Joe describes as a "humorously surreal experience". The exhibits stayed put and evolved, according to Joe, "like a virus in a petri dish". His friends added things like a biography, a newspaper clipping lauding Joe's candidacy for Waiter of the Year, a polka dot floor, a fluorescent ceiling, disco balls, and hot-pepper Xmas lights. Today it remains an entertaining chronicle of an ordinary, if eccentric man's life. And Joe is back at his old job, having added a pair of singing fish, a doorbell, a fountain, and a library to his memorial restroom.

J. Stephen O'Laughlin Memorial Restroom, located at Waldo Pizza, 7433 Broadway, Kansas City, MO 64114; [816 363 5242]. Optimal viewing times Sun-Thurs 2:00pm-4:00pm. Offerings for the shrine appreciated.

NORTHEAST

An entire museum devoted to umbrella covers? Just the covers? You mean those little sleeves that cover the folded umbrella when you buy it? Yup, that's it. The world's first - and only-Umbrella Cover Museum is the passion of one Nancy 3. Hoffman, a musician from Peak's Island, a 20-minute ferry ride from Portland, ME. Nancy got the idea for the museum when she was cleaning out closets and came across seven umbrella covers. Curious as to what others do with their covers, she started asking around. Now, years later, she's accumulated enough covers, and enough umbrella cover trivia, to open her own museum. She has 400 of the things, from 32 countries, and folks from around the world keep sending her more. They range in size from a two and a half inch Barbie doll cover to a six-foot patio umbrella sleeve. Nancy has dedicated the museum to the appreciation of the mundane in everyday life. "It's about finding wonder and beauty in the simplest of things," she says, " and about knowing that there is always a story behind the cover". Amen.

Umbrella Cover Museum. 62-B Island Avenue, Peaks Island, ME 04108; [207 766 4496]; web: www.umbrellacovermuseum.org. Open summers only; contact for exact dates and times. Directions: Take the Casco Bay Lines ferry to Peaks Island. From the dock, walk up the hill to the first street (Island Avenue) and turn left.

Some things are just so bad that they become good and you can see why for yourself at the Museum of Bad Art. Here, art that's too bad to be ignored is collected from artists who've had a bad brush day or are just so incompetent that they deserve recognition. Dubbing it "A great monument to the work of unrecognized bad artists everywhere", museum founder Jerry Reilly looks for sincere attempts at art gone bad. If it's not sincere it doesn't have a chance of gracing the gallery's walls. You'll laugh all the way through this museum, especially at the titles given the paintings: i"Lucy In the Field With Flowers" and "Sunday on the Pot With George". Look closely and you'll become aware that bad art shares some common characteristics: distorted body parts, skewed perspective, impossible settings, and unfortunate choices of materials.

In addition to the collection, preservation, exhibition and celebration of bad art in all its forms and in all its glory, the museum holds special events in the Boston area. Some past exhibitions include 'Know what you like/ Paint what you feel', "Fine Wine, Bad Art", and 'Gallery in the woods', an art-goes-out-the-window theme that hung from trees in the woods. It's hard to believe, but only one piece in ten submitted to them actually meets their extremely low standards. If you have a unique and spectacular work of bad art and would consider donating it to MOBA, they'd be happy to consider it. Plain brown paper wrappers are expected.

Museum of Bad Art, 580 High St, Dedham, MA 02026 (in the basement of the movie theater); [617 325 8224]; web: www.glyphs.com/moba. Open Mon-Fri 6.-10pm, Sat-Sun and holidays 1-10pm . Free with substantial discounts to anyone with a business card in Comic Sans Font.

Bruce Zaccagnino has a compulsion to build little bridges, bridges that need to span something if they're to make sense. So Bruce builds little gorges, mountain passes, and rivers. Then his little trains, 135 of them, have something to do as they run around his not-at-all little Northlandz miniature railroad in Flemington, home of the Great American Railway, Doll Museum, and Art Gallery. Northlandz trains run along eight miles of miniature track as you walk an entire mile through Bruce's world, gaping at the 10,000 freight cars winding their way among four thousand buildings nestled among mountains and bridges soaring as high as forty feet. It's hard to take in all the detail before you, because, in addition to the scenic backdrop, Bruce has added thousands of people going about their lives in this vertical world including-improbably-escaping from a downed airliner by climbing down little ladders. While the attraction advertises a tour through some of the ' finest scenery in America', you won't see scenery like this anywhere on the planet. His world of cliffs and canyons couldn't possibly be home to cities and towns, so it's best just to appreciate the massive scope of his thirty-year effort and leave feeling somewhat inadequate that you're compulsion-deprived. Don't be surprised if you hear organ music during your tour; Bruce often plays one of the Wurlitzer organs he installed in the middle of his vast, other-worldly empire. Once outside you can ride a real, 2/3-scale steam train.

Northlandz, Great American Railway, Doll Museum, and Art Gallery, 495 Hwy 202 South, Flemington, NJ 08822; [908 782 4022]; web: www.northlandz.com. Open Mon-Fri 10.30am-4.00pm; Sat-Sun 10.00am-6.00pm.

Voted number one as the 'best place to break the ice on a first date', the Mütter Museum in Philadelphia is brimming with bodily oddities too incredible to be kept to yourself. Impeccably displayed at the College of Physicians, this collection of medical specimens from the 1800s includes the result of terminal constipation - a grossly distended colon measuring five feet long and almost a foot in diameter. The 20,000 items, including fluid preserved specimens, obsolete medical instruments, skeletons, bones and wax models of diseases, combines the collections of many individual doctors. One such doctor in the 1920s carefully catalogued 2,000 objects, removed from the human body, that got there either by swallowing or inhaling: buttons, pins, needles, jewelry, coins, toy jacks, nails and even a bullet. Another collection is a series of wax models showing every disease of the human eye known at the time.

These medical specimens weren't saved for their shock value; they were the teaching and research tools of the 19th and early 20th centuries, 3-D models of the real, not virtual, kind. And knowledge of anatomy wasn't limited just to medical students. The social elite attended medical lectures as well; it was an upscale thing to do. The museum has some famous body parts, including a tumor removed from President Cleveland's jaw, the thorax of John Wilkes Booth (who assassinated President Lincoln), and bladder stones removed from a Supreme Court justice. Among the most riveting exhibits are those relating to con-joined twins, both dead and still alive, who have been the subject of many a documentary. As disquieting as the displays can be, they're a fascinating look behind our own scenes.

Mütter Museum, College of Physicians of Philadelphia, 19 South 22nd St, Philadelphia, PA 19103; [215 563 3737]; web: www.collphyphil.org/muttpg1.shtml. Open 10.00am-5.00pm every day except Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year.

QUIRKY CUISINE

Chocolate body parts are big sellers at Chocolate by Mueller in Philadelphia. The anatomically correct chocolate heart is popular with cardiologists and their patients as well as being the Valentine gift you don't quite know how to react to. 'Oops, I thought you said a dozen noses' explains the chocolate bunch of nostrils. An ear with a chunk bitten out of it is the Mike Tyson special. For the person who's sweet on the outside, but nasty on the inside, send a chocolate covered onion. Brains, bagels, tool sets, dentures, lab rats, and lungs; the selection is always evolving.

Chocolate by Mueller, Reading Terminal Market, 12th and Arch Sts, Philadelphia, PA; [800 848 5601]; web: www.chocolatebymueller.net

Kids: If you want to grow up to be president, you'd do well to like pets. According to Claire McLean, founder of the Presidential Pet Museum, all but four of our 43 presidents knew the value of pets when it came to tugging at voter's heartstrings. Claire became addicted to the presidential pet pursuit after a White House stint grooming the Reagan's dog "Lucky". Secreting some of the dog's furry clippings in her purse, she had her first memento, eventually having a portrait made of "Lucky" adorned with its own fur. Along with the portrait, Claire's museum, in a small building next door to her house, tells the story of 400 presidential pets ranging from the common--horses, dogs, and cats--to the more exotic--a tobacco-eating goat, leash-trained raccoons, and an elephant.

Presidential Pet Museum, 1102 Wrighton Rd., Lothian, MD 20711; [410 741 0899]; web: www.presidentialpetmuseum.com

You might wonder how an entire museum could be devoted just to the alphabet. But we're not just talking 26 letters here. We're talking about thousands of the world's alphabets. The Museum of the Alphabet shows you graphically what most of us take for granted: the importance of having one to begin with. Exploring the development of writing and writing systems worldwide, you'll come away with a greater appreciation of what a transforming difference it makes when a culture gets a formalized set of squiggles that allows them to develop a written language. The museum is on the campus of the Jaars Center, an organization that, in addition to providing bible translations, trains people to develop alphabets for groups of speakers who have none. Of the 6,809 identified languages in the world, 3,000 have no written form, leaving about 400 million people with no way to write Dear Abby.

Museum of the Alphabet, 6409 Davis Rd., Waxhaw, NC 28173; [704 843 6066]; web: www.jaars.org/museum/alphabet/. Open Mon- Sat 9:00am-noon & 1:00pm-3:30pm. Admission free, donations requested.

SOUTHEAST

ROOMS WITH A SKEW

Situated on an old plantation, the Shack Up Inn rents authentic sharecropper shanties in a setting eerily reminiscent of the Old South. Superbly tacky, the rickety, no-frills shotgun shacks, (so named because you could shoot a shotgun straight through them from one end to the other), with their corrugated tin roofs and Cyprus wood walls, have been restored only enough to meet modern expectations-the functional, not aesthetic ones. The funky mismatched kitschy décor fits the ambiance as you sit a'rockin on your front porch, sippin' a cold one, and listenin' to an all-blues music channel, the only reception your ancient TV gets. Musicians looking for inspiration hang out here, as do groups looking for a novel place to hold a parties and reunions. Tommy Polka, one of the owners, describes the shanties as "twelve-pack architecture with six-pack construction". Rusted old tractors and an ancient cotton gin contribute to the atmosphere, as does the commissary-cum-dance hall.

Shack Up Inn, 001 Commissary Circle, Clarksdale, MS 38614; [662 624 8329] or [615 385 4345]; web: www.shackupinn.com

FESTIVALS AND EVENTS

Georgia is the heart of America's redneck territory, so it's no surprise that the Redneck Games are held here in East Dublin. This is stereotypical beer, barbeque and arm fart country, a place where bent coat-hangers with aluminum foil serve as antennas and good ol' country boys keep both dogs and wallets on chains. Originally dubbed the Bubba-Olympics in 1995, the event is an outrageous, politically incorrect spoof the real 1966 Olympics held in Atlanta. Country radio station WQZY started the games as a promotional stunt, garnering so much publicity that newspapers and television stations all over the country started covering them. Of the 10,000 folks who attend today, very few are true rednecks. Most are just faux rednecks that return to their mainstream lives come Monday morning.

The games themselves are down-and-dirty events like bobbing for pig's feet, seed spitting, dumpster diving, hubcap hurling, bug zapping by spitball, an armpit serenade and a big-hair contest. The defining moment, though, is the mud pit belly flop, mostly entered by those with beer bellies and peek-a-boo butt cracks. The trophy is a crushed and mounted Bud Light can, disappointingly empty. L-Bow, the grand guru of the event, claims they're "just plain good ol' boys and gals who'd give you the shirt off their back, although it's doubtful you'd want it". Fried alligator on a stick is a favorite festival treat.

Redneck Games held annually early July in Dublin, GA. Contact radio station WQZY; [800 688 0096] or [478 272 4422]; web: www.wqzy.com

Katha Sheehan, owner of The Chicken Store, is also running for mayor on the platform "I Will Do Nothing", representing the kind of government most Key Westians prefer. Her gift shop sells everything chicken, except, that is, for the dozen or so live ones peck-peck-pecking around the merchandise. Katha is famous for rescuing endangered chickens, claiming each of them has a unique personality. The décor is tres-chick-sawdust floors, roosting ledges, and lots of local chicken art.

The Chicken Store, 1229 Duval St, Key West, FL 33040; [305 294 0070]; web: www.thechickenstore.com

There's an art to tossing a dead fish, an art practiced by thousands each year who hope to win the Interstate Mullet Toss, a festival that involves throwing a one-pound dead fish from a 10-foot circle in Florida across the state line into Alabama. Local celebrities toss the first fish, followed by fifteen groups of age-ranked competitors. Each tosser grabs a mullet from a water bucket, gives it the old heave-ho, then must retrieve the fish and return it to the bucket, whole or in pieces as the case may be. Experienced tossers know to ball the fish up in their hand before letting it fly. The longest toss to date is 159 feet. Local seabirds love the event, recycling the results throughout the day.

Interstate Mullet Toss, held annually the last Friday in April. Contact the Flora-Bama Lounge, 17401 Perdido Key Dr., Pensacola, FL 32507; [850 492 0611] or [251 980 5118]; web: www.florabama.com.

John Zweifel is one of the most patriotic men in America. Not only does he wear America's colors, right down to his socks and underwear, he's devoted the last forty years of his life to building an enormous White House replica which, when it isn't on display somewhere else in the country, is housed in his House of Presidents. The replica isn't just a dollhouse, either. It's huge, 60 feet by 20 feet, weighs ten tons, and travels by semi-truck. John and his team of helpers, including his wife Jan, have spent hundreds of hours over the years measuring the real house, then half a million hours-- and counting-building the miniature version.

Built at a scale of one inch to the foot, the White House is an exact replica-and we're talking exact, here-of the real thing, right down to the cracks in the ceiling, cigar burns on the furniture, and coffee stains on the rugs. Amazingly, John calls the White House curator every few weeks to see what has changed. Perhaps a lamp has been moved, or a carpet replaced. John will make the same changes in his model, assuring up to date accuracy. TV's work, toilets flush, phones ring, and computers glow. Every piece of furniture is built precisely to scale and carved from the same wood as the original; every rug is hand stitched; every painting and photograph painstakingly miniaturized.

You'd think that would be enough to keep John busy but he also lavishes attention on his House of Presidents, soon to become the President's Hall of Fame. There are life-like statues of all 43 presidents and their wives (the more modern ones cast in wax), each with their own display of memorabilia. When the White House model is on tour a documentary about it plays continuously in the museum. From presidential Christmas cards to a state dining room display set for dinner, the four rooms in the house pay tribute not just to the presidents, but also to John's obsession. This is his gift to the people of America, one we should be grateful to receive.

White House replica. Located at the House of Presidents, 123 N. Hwy 27, Clermont, FL 34711; [352 394 2836] or [407 876 3631]. Open daily 9:30am-6:00pm.

Harry Sperl sleeps on a hamburger-shaped waterbed and drives a hamburger motorcycle, both of which are sensible things to own if you also have the world's only Hamburger Museum. Originally from Germany, Harry collects hamburger items because they're American icons and because he loves Americana. The museum, located in his home, houses more than a thousand hamburger-related items. He's got hamburger banks, jars, clocks, magnets, and music boxes; hamburgers made from tin, ceramic, glass, cloth, clay, and plastic; and signs, posters, T-shirts, towels, and calendars. His bed is covered with a sesame-seed spread. His famous hamburger motorcycle, pictured on the last color page of this guide, has neon lighting, steam that rises from the patty, and a stereo that plays the sound of sizzling burgers. The bike was created on a Harley chassis using Styrofoam and fiberglass. Harry is so fond of car parts that they decorate his home along with the hamburgers. A Chrysler grille lights the living room with its headlights. A 350 Chevy V8 engine serves as an end table; a door from a '63 Ford Fairlane hangs on the wall. He and an architect have designed a burger-inspired building to house the International Hamburger Hall of Fame. But for now you'll have to visit him at home.

Hamburger Museum, Harry Sperl, Hamburger Collector, 1000 N Beach St, Daytona Beach, FL 32117; [356 254 8763]; web: www.burgerweb.com . Open by appointment only.